Most people think lying is about deceiving other people.
It isn’t.
The most common lies are the ones we tell ourselves. And the tricky part is, we usually tell them with good intentions.
You mean what you say at the time.
‘I’ll start next week.’
‘I’m definitely going to stick with it this time.’
‘I know exactly what I need to do.’
And then… you don’t.
This isn’t about blame. It isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about awareness. Because everybody does this. The question isn’t whether you lie to yourself; it’s the scale of it and the impact it has over time.
One big reason we lie to ourselves is that we want to feel hopeful without paying the price of action. We confuse intention with commitment. We think that because we intend to do something, it somehow counts.
It doesn’t.
We also like the identity of being someone who does the thing, without having actually done the thing… yet.
This is where True Will and False Will matter.
They both sound the same.
‘I’m going to do this.’
True Will means that when you say you’ll do something and you do it, no matter what it takes.
False Will means you say you will, but the promise is bigger than your current will muscle.
I once coached someone who declared she was never eating bread again. She loved bread. So we went smaller. No bread on Mondays. Then Wednesdays. Then Fridays. Over time, she beat the week (no bread for any 4 days).
The lie would have been ‘I’m never eating bread again.’ The first time a nice piece of warm focaccia appeared on the table ‘to share’, she would have folded.
But the truth she could believe was ‘I’m not eating bread on Mondays.’
Small, honest promises build self-trust.
What is one promise you could make to yourself that you know you would keep, even on a bad day?
Make it smaller than feels impressive.
Make it a bit boring.
Make it easily repeatable.
Make it true.
Be Brilliant!
Michael
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