Nobody likes to admit they’ve failed.
It’s much easier to create a story around it.
A little internal justification that makes the failure easier to live with.
The builder who isn’t getting enough work doesn’t think: ‘Maybe I haven’t built a strong enough reputation for people to pay more.’
He blames the ‘Cowboys who keep undercutting me.’
When the relationship breaks down, it’s much easier to complain about everything the other person did wrong than ask, ‘What was my contribution?’
I see the same thing in my industry with event speakers. Some come off stage following a six out of ten prestation and blame the audience saying, ‘they were flat’. Or the time slot, ‘They gave me the graveyard shift.’ Or the organisers who, ‘Couldn’t organise a drinking session in a brewery’. I think that’s the term.
I never blame the audience, the time or the organisers. I believe as a presenter, if you don’t connect, that’s on you.
I’m paid to be a professional speaker. It’s my job to work out what that audience needs, read the room, adapt and find a way to connect.
That’s the job. It’s not just sharing stories about how you climbed Everest in a pair of flip flops and telling the audience YOU too must have goals.
Of course, some audiences are flatter than others. Some rooms have had the energy removed. Some events are poorly organised.
But blaming any of that doesn’t make me a better speaker.
Asking, ‘What can I do differently?’ does.
This isn’t a negative message, suggesting everything bad that happens is your fault.
It isn’t.
Some people behave badly.
Circumstance can be unfair.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose.
But blame and responsibility are at opposite end of this stick.
Blame can explain what happened.
Responsibility helps you decide what happens next.
If I were coaching you and you asked me how to make failure useful, I’d suggest you start with this.
Own your percentage.
You don’t have to take 100% of the blame.
Just find the percentage you’ll own, be slightly uncomfortable with and accept it.
Maybe it’s 50%.
Maybe it’s 10%.
Maybe it’s 2%.
Just ask yourself, ‘What was my bit?’
You might as well - your bit is the only bit you can do anything about.
Then separate the event from your identity.
‘I failed’ is different from ‘I’m a failure.’
One describes what happened.
The other creates the identity YOU associate with it.
Next, turn the story into data.
Instead of asking:
‘Whose fault was it?’ (Blame)
Ask:
What really happened?
What did I expect to happen?
Where was the gap?
What would I do differently next time? (Responsibility).
Failure’s rarely the problem.
The identity you attach to it could be.
Be Brilliant!
Michael
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