Will I like them?
Last week I shared an experience from being on the telly. You can read it here.
One question we didn’t get to on air came from a lovely lady in her 40s who was terrified about dating again.
Her big fear?
‘What if they don’t like me?’
Six words. And enough to turn the possibility of a lovely evening into an awkward audition.
What should I wear? What should I say? What if I’m boring? What if they don’t want to see me again?
She could exhaust herself before leaving the house.
Here’s what I would have said.
Flip It.
Instead of asking, ‘Will they like me?’
Ask, ‘Will I like them?’
Similar words. Different emphasis. Huge difference.
Now she’d have a different focus.
Are they interesting? Are they interested? Do they make me laugh? Do I feel comfortable being myself?
It’s easy to forget those things when you’re hoping someone will choose you.
And it goes well beyond dating.
Entering a room thinking, ‘Will anyone want to talk to me?’ is different from, ‘Who would I enjoy getting to know?’
Even a job interview gives you an opportunity to ask, ‘Would I enjoy working here?’
Of course, you want to make a good impression. We all do. But when someone else’s approval becomes the only thing that matters, you hand them an awful lot of power.
You can be warm, interested and open while still remembering that your feelings count too.
Notice where you’re asking, ‘Will they like me?’
Then Flip It and ask yourself, ‘Will I like them?’
You might discover you’ve been so busy hoping to be chosen that you’ve forgotten you get to choose.
Be Brilliant!
Michael
What’s your best Flip It reframing idea? Please leave your comment below. I’ll send a copy of my Sunday Times No.1 bestseller, Flip It: How to Get the Best Out of Everything, to my favourite.
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